


To See A Friend Go Down In Flames

by Nevanna



Category: Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Dysfunctional Relationships, Implied/Referenced Mind Control, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 13:22:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevanna/pseuds/Nevanna
Summary: Five friendships, five moments, five hints at the truth about Alex and Roger's relationship.





	To See A Friend Go Down In Flames

**Author's Note:**

> The premise and structure of this fic were inspired by a story that I read ten years ago, featuring an outsider's POV on an equally dysfunctional relationship in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
> 
> The title is from the song "From Me To You" by Janis Ian.

**1.**

Moving as quietly as possible through the palace corridors, Raoul is convinced that he’ll reach his quarters without being seen, until a voice behind him remarks, “It seems that we’re both out late.”

Raoul turns. From where Alex appeared, he isn’t sure. “I had an errand to run in the city,” he says, truthfully enough. Never mind that his “errand” mostly involved drinking with thieves at the Dancing Dove. “What about you?”

“Duke Roger keeps unusual hours. He expects me to do the same.” Alex smiles slightly. “A small price to pay for the honor of serving him.”

Raoul flings an arm around Alex’s shoulders. “You can tell me all about it tomorrow.” Even as he speaks, he can’t quite remember the last time the two of them indulged in a round of good-natured grumbling about their duties as squires. He also realizes that the smell clinging to his friend’s clothes and hair – a scent rich with spices that he doesn’t recognize – is making his head swim more than the strongest ale he’s ever drunk. He’s almost relieved when Alex pulls away.

“You clearly have your secrets, Raoul,” he says. “Allow me to keep a few of mine.”

**2.**

The hush in the Chapel of the Ordeal feels like the heaviness in the air before a storm. Gary stares at the door to the Chamber, trying not to think about what he saw during his own Ordeal of Knighthood, and unable to picture what could be happening to Alex right now… or what might be left of him at the end of it.

“Your concern for your friend does you credit,” Duke Roger says softly.

“He’s shown equal regard for me, Your Grace,” Gary says. “That is, when we weren’t trying to scare each other silly with stories about what _that_ ” – he nods in the direction of the Chamber – “might be like.”

“We can only do so much to prepare ourselves – or each other – for the unknown,” Roger reminds him. “You were dealing with your fear in the best way that you knew how.”

“If you say so, sir.”

Roger places a hand on Gary’s shoulder. “He’s trying his hardest, as he always does. Beyond that, his fate shall be as the gods will it.”

Before Gary can say another word, the Chamber door opens. Alex’s eyes are glazed as he stumbles out, and red scratches furrow his arms. Gary reaches out a hand to offer support, but Alex doesn’t seem to notice.

Instead, he collapses against Roger, who catches him readily and whispers something that Gary can’t hear. It softens the tight lines in Alex’s face, and he closes his eyes.

Whatever Gary himself planned to say, the look on Roger’s face silences him where he stands.

**3.**

“How go your magic lessons with the Duke?” Alex inquires as he and Jonathan walk back from the stables.

“He’s teaching us to guard our minds against magical influence,” Jonathan replies. By the time he could raise a satisfactory shield, his head ached from the failed attempts. Thankfully, his cousin didn’t seem visibly impatient.

“That’s something that you can learn?” 

And that’s definitely a note of urgency in Alex’s voice, but Jonathan can’t figure out where it’s coming from. “Anyone with the Gift has the potential,” he explains. “We just have to access it and develop it into something useful.”

“And what about those of us _without_ the Gift? Would we be vulnerable no matter what we did?”

“You could always ask Roger that yourself,” Jonathan remarks with a grin. “I’m sure he’d be flattered that you’re interested in his work. He’s very fond of you.”

“So it would appear,” Alex agrees, but he doesn’t smile back.

**4.**

Geoffrey couldn’t believe his luck when Sir Alexander of Tirragen chose him as a squire. Alex is one of the best swordsmen at Court, as handsome and clever as he is skilled, and he’s not opposed to helping Geoffrey to develop his own fighting technique.

On the first warm day of the season, they spar for much longer than usual, and Alex is sweating with exertion by the time he intercepts Geoffrey’s final blow and forces him to his knees.

Geoffrey is glad that his head is bowed so that the heat in his face doesn’t show. For a moment, he feels a hand in his hair, the fingers moving gently but deliberately. Then it retreats, and Alex is reaching out to pull him to his feet.

Once they’re eye to eye, instead of letting go, Geoffrey leans forward and closes the distance between them.

For a long, glorious minute, Alex returns the kiss, his mouth opening and his tongue moving in ways that Geoffrey has only ever imagined, late at night with his hand busy under the blanket and a mere closed door between them.

Then Alex pulls away, and Geoffrey stammers out an apology. “I’m sure this isn’t how it’s supposed to be between a knight and his squire.”

Alex’s voice isn’t much steadier. “You’re a lot more sure than I am.”

**5.**

During certain conversations with Alex during her final months at the palace, Alanna reached for the ember-stone around her neck and watched closely for traces of orange light around his body. She saw nothing, so either the compulsions that Roger had used on him were temporary… or they had never been there in the first place, and Alex had turned on her of his own free will.

He avoids most of his old friends after Alanna defeats Roger, and she isn’t sure what she would say if she had the chance. Would she apologize to Alex, try to defend her actions, demand answers to questions that had been gathering for years? _How much did you know about Roger’s plan to take the throne? What did he promise you? What exactly did the two of you mean to each other?_

As she makes her farewells and prepares to set out on her journey, she still hopes that Alex finds some amount of peace.


End file.
